May 21st and My Dad
May 21st.
The date my whole world shifted.
It’s been eight years now of marking this date with dread in my stomach, hurt in my heart.
Eight years since the day my dad was told he was dying. And there wasn’t anything he could really do to stop it.
He couldn’t be cured.
The doctors told him he might have six months if he didn’t do anything.
Maybe a year with chemo.
He met their diagnosis with denial.
Nope, he said, he’d make it a few more years because he wanted to see his 50th anniversary with my mom.
And one thing we knew for certain. If my dad set his mind to something, it happened.
So he fought like hell for each and every day after that.
Each and every minute, actually.
They were hard days. Chemo took a lot out of him.
Still, he fought.
He was a stubborn, determined man on a mission.
It all seemed so unfair.
His life was hard. Always had been. Even as a child. Shouldn’t he be able to enjoy his 60’s with the woman he loved, watching his children and grandchildren live their lives, too? He felt such pride for each of us. Our success was his success, too. We got our fortitude from him. We’d watched him selflessly work harder than any other human being each day of our lives, then hand over every paycheck to put a roof over our heads, dinner on the table. We weren’t rich. But we were loved.
And he was loved, too. Still is.
He didn’t make it to that 50th anniversary.
He lived longer than the doctors said he would.
Two years, three months, and three days after being diagnosed, he lost his battle, and we lost the greatest man we’ve ever known.
That was August 18th. Another date I’ll never forget.
I’m trying hard to remember the good dates. December 2nd—the date he and my mom were married, the date he so desperately wanted to celebrate with her.
July 4th, his birthday. July 6th, the date my youngest entered the world, with my dad there at the hospital to celebrate her.
But I don’t know that I’ll ever think of May 21st and not think of my dad being cheated out of his biggest life goal.
May 21, 2015 @ 10:40 am
Very sorry for your loss.
May 21, 2015 @ 12:09 pm
Thank you, Jack. That’s kind of you.
May 22, 2015 @ 5:29 am
You never forget and it’s heart retching. It’s been almost 18 years and I can remember everything about Oct. 24th like it was yesterday. So many reasons why I miss him and will always. He was 56. I was fortunate to have my dad in my life for almost 30 yrs. Know family friends whose kids will only know their parent by seeing a picture of what they’ve been told by their parent still living. However the fact remains that I still want my dad. Thinking of you.
May 22, 2015 @ 9:09 am
I’m sorry Daniela. I do feel lucky to have had him in my life as long as I did. Hugs to you.
May 22, 2015 @ 11:05 am
May 25th is the day I took what felt like the longest walk ever down the hall to my mom’s ICU room two years ago. When the nurse came and got us, I knew what was waiting for me at the end of that hall. I still live by the calendar…the day she was taken into the ER…the day she was diagnosed…the day she had surgery (unsuccessfully), and the day she left us…all within a 4 week period. My family and I were still in fighting mode…we were not prepared.
May 22, 2015 @ 11:11 am
I am sorry Jessica. I wonder what it is about us that makes the dates stand out in our minds. I know that others remember birthdays, but why would these horrible days stay with us forever? Sending you hugs as the 25th approaches for you.