The Holidays Aren’t Always Happy

This is my second holiday season without my dad.  It’s my husband’s first without his mom.  It’s hard.  There’s no easy way to get through the big days when the people you love are gone.  You can pretend your way through it, put on a happy face and hope nobody asks how you’re doing.  Or, you can choose to hide out and avoid the invitations to go be part of the fun.  I’ve done both.  But you should take some time to feel the loss.  A counselor once told me I needed to give myself permission to do just that: feel what you feel when you feel it.  And he wisely added, then talk to someone about it who can listen with compassion.

Maybe you know someone who is hurting this holiday.  Maybe you can be that person who listens with compassion.  Don’t pressure them to put on a happy face, or join in your fun.  But do let them know it’s ok to find their own way to celebrate.  If that means sitting by a grave all day, offer to sit with them for a while.  If it means leaving them alone for the day, do that, too.  Just let them know you care.  And if you’ve been there, let them know you understand.   It may be a while before they feel the joy of the season again.  Just let them know that’s ok.  And reassure them that one day, the holiday will be happier.

Also, help them find something simple to celebrate.  A memory is just fine.  Just remind them that life can still be good if they allow it.