My Dream Machine–Not Your Typical 2013 GL-Class Review

Some women get turned on by Fifty Shades of Grey.  Others lust after the heroics of the Dark Knight Rises.

There’s something else keeping me up in the middle of the night right now. Something strong and sexy.  And powerful, yet safe.  It’s suave while still rugged, in the classiest sense of the word.

Its allure is overwhelming.

Ahhh, my 2013 GL- Class by Mercedes Benz.

So what if it’s a vehicle that gets my motor running?

This isn’t any vehicle.

Have you seen it yet?

It’s great looking (I assume that’s what the GL stands for) from the side, but it’s the view from the front that will knock your socks off.  The view from the rear is pretty nice, too.

Yeah, give me a second to get my thoughts clear again.

OK.

I already hear what you’re saying.

I have a car.

And yes, it does an ok job of getting me from point A to point B.

But don’t I deserve better than ok?  Don’t I merit the very best there is to guide me through life?  I don’t want to settle anymore.  And honey, the GL-class is anything but settling.

So what makes this one so freakin’ awesome?

Well, I’ve taken other vehicles for a spin before. Some have been impressive.

But I’ve never been in one that feels this comfortable, this luxurious.  Sitting in the driver’s seat I can feel the stress leaving my back, my shoulders, as the massage system kicks in.  My car just sits there.  Or I just sit in it.  But there’s no massaging going on. And if things get a little too steamy in my dream machine, there’s a cooling feature for the seats.  That’ll certainly come in handy.  The rear seats and middle row can both electronically slide out of the way with the push of a button to make room for, well, whatever it is you need more room for in the back of this beauty.

And no other car leaves me feeling nearly as safe.  With the latest and greatest in technology installed throughout, the GL-Class goes above and beyond to protect me off road and on.  It incorporates special steer control and collision prevention assists for those times when I’m distracted by the fact that I’m driving this dream machine.  It lets me know if I’m switching into a lane when I shouldn’t and uses special traction to make sure I don’t tip when I’m a little too excited, taking my curves too fast.  It consistently takes care of me.  I can’t say that about my current vehicle.

And then we have that powerful engine.   I’m not even sure I could handle it.  I’d sure like to try it for a while, though. From the GL350 with a 240 horsepower motor to the GL550 with a V8 producing 429 horsepower, this is one mighty machine. It can tow a lot, too, 7500 pounds in fact, so we’ll have no problem bringing our dream boat along on our journeys.

The timing isn’t right for me to have my own GL-Class right now.  I don’t like that, but I get it.  And I’m a little ashamed to admit I’m jealous of those who already get to enjoy its pleasures.

But one day, it will be mine, just me and the GL, riding off into the sunset.  One day, this dream machine will be more than just an aching desire keeping me up at night.

(Note to readers: Mercedes Benz invited me to review the GL-Class on a recent press trip.  Blame the elevation sickness I experienced for the risque nature of this post, but know that this review was not compensated in any way.  If you’d like to read a more typical review, click here.)