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15 Comments

  1. Joyce Brewer
    February 16, 2014 @ 5:11 pm

    So sorry someone you trusted and cared for is treating you this way.

    Reply

    • desmiller
      February 17, 2014 @ 10:02 am

      Joyce, I was hoping this would be a wake up call for others who know people going through hard stuff. The funeral I attended was a suicide. I wonder if that person also felt alienating by people who were supposed to be friends.
      I should write another entire post about how much my online friends meant during this time. I told myself I could go to pretty much any city around the country and find a friend I’d met online who would take me in and give nothing but love for days. It’s just hard to feel those hugs through the web.
      And those same online friends are THE MOST AMAZING WOMEN…who with their words alone outshine any act of cruelty done by the pretenders in person.

      Reply

  2. Stacie Haight Connerty
    February 16, 2014 @ 6:31 pm

    Those who people who are convinced divorce is contagious are not worthy of your friendship.

    One of the the things that actually made me shed tears for/with my sister after her divorce was seeing the parties and events her friends in the old neighborhood/area had without ever inviting her. A few things were within days after her moving out. And she moved only four miles down the road I might add.

    These were the women who had her back the entire time they lived there. They played tennis together. Set up schedules for meal delivery after births or illnesses. Their kids rotated houses for playdates and sleepovers. The husbands and wives got together several times a month. These people were tight.

    She never heard from any of them again once she moved. Every instance of communication was started by her and never reciprocated. This broke my heart for her.

    Those women were never really her friends. They couldn’t possibly have been.

    Reply

    • desmiller
      February 17, 2014 @ 9:59 am

      Stacie…sounds like your sister and I live in identical neighborhoods. And I didn’t even move out of the neighborhood! I will say, it was 5 full months before someone in the neighborhood reminded me I could still be seen–I was pulling into my old driveway and the GUY who lived across the street stood on his porch and yelled it, across the street, ‘How ‘ya doin’ Des?’ I literally cried. I truly didn’t realize how much it impacted me. Some of these folks still see me at school events or on my same street and literally act like we’ve never met–it has opened my eyes quite a bit. Ironically, they know me when they want something from me, though…one in particular was selling girl scout cookies for her daughter. I went by their house to put the check in the mailbox and they pulled up at the same time. It was emotional to see them, and I started to cry. When I explained how hurt I was that people turned their backs on me, she said ‘people don’t want to get in the middle of it’. I explained that’s not what I wanted, either. And that’s when I heard the, ‘it just makes us uncomfortable’ comment. Yeah, imagine how it makes me feel. I’ll certainly reach out to others I know in similar situations. And again, remember who was there for me when it mattered.

      Reply

  3. Dana Boyd Barr
    February 17, 2014 @ 2:50 pm

    Very beautifully written, Desiree. That is exactly how I felt 20 years ago when I went through a divorce. It’s also very relevant to losing a loved one. Thanks for sharing. I am just amazed at how well you write and express your thoughts. Hugs to you!

    Reply

    • desmiller
      February 17, 2014 @ 4:17 pm

      Thank you, Dana. That means the world coming from you. And I’m sorry you had the same feelings two decades ago. We’ve come so far in so many other things…you’d think women would have outgrown the need to gossip, too, or to alienate others. I guess the wise women have. xo to you!

      Reply

  4. Rita
    February 25, 2014 @ 4:54 pm

    Desiree, My heart goes out to you. Divorce is one of the most trying time we face in life. My world shattered 14 years ago. Stay healthy (eat healthy foods), find an outlet for the stress, and try to keep in mind that you will emerge a more vital YOU. A big warm virtual hug headed your way.

    Reply

  5. Martha
    March 8, 2014 @ 6:54 pm

    I’m glad you were my true friend (and still are), when I went through all of that years ago. And as you know too – I found a whole new group of real friends to help me move forward. You will too & I’m always here if you need me!

    Reply

    • desmiller
      March 8, 2014 @ 7:00 pm

      So happy to have you as one of those friends I know I can always call on…for anything. xo Martha…and thank you. Sincerely.

      Reply

  6. MariaGalatiSmith
    March 24, 2014 @ 11:53 am

    So well written Des. Kudos to you for your authenticity and transparency. I’d like to think I never did that to a friend but this article will make SURE I don’t do it in the future. Love ya girl!

    Reply

    • Desiree Miller
      March 24, 2014 @ 1:48 pm

      Thank you Maria. xo

      Reply

    • Desiree Miller
      September 23, 2014 @ 12:58 pm

      Thank you Maria…love ya right back!

      Reply

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