The ‘Other Side’ Speaks Out; I’m White and Outraged, Too
America is a great country that stands for equality for all, but we sure aren’t living it these days.
I am a white woman. I have children, including a 20-year old son. I do not worry that my son will be shot down by police if he happens to be walking in the middle of the road late one night.
I also have a 24-year old brother. He is African-American. For about a year, he lived with me in my small town just outside of Atlanta. I worried every single time he left the house that he would be pulled over, or questioned in a store, simply for having black skin.
There. I said it.
Yes, having black skin made him immediately suspect. I noticed when people grabbed their purses a little tighter when he walked by. They locked their car doors if he was crossing the street when they were stopped at a light. And I warned him, as he drove my car, that he would always want to drive not one mile over the speed limit, and be following every law, because I had no doubt police would be more likely to write him a ticket or even accuse him of stealing a car that so obviously belonged to a white woman. I had no statistics or evidence that this would happen…just observations that in my suburban town, the numbers of non-white people pulled over sure seemed disproportionate.
I worried about him every day. Much more than I worried about my own son who was just as likely to speed, or look the wrong way at an officer. That could merit a stern warning. But for my brother with black skin, it would more than likely lead to more serious penalties.
Now, a teen just like him is dead. Younger, actually. For doing something, or nothing, who really knows, but something that if he were a white teenager probably would not have ended in his death.
I do not have the details of went down in St. Louis. But it can’t be coincidental that all of these young black men who have died at the hands of the law, or vigilantes, or neighborhood watch volunteers, provoked their own deaths.
I’ve heard that argument. That the teen somehow ‘asked for it’. Let’s pretend that was your son. Spend two seconds thinking about how you would feel if police killed your child under these circumstances. You’d be pretty raging mad, too, wouldn’t you?
I’m really tired of standing by quietly on an issue that boils down to the color of skin.
I’m so ashamed to admit it, but yes, racism is still alive in the South, even in cities like Atlanta where we have an African-American mayor, and many African-American leaders.
But we aren’t just talking about the South. These senseless killings of young African-American men…they’re happening all over this country.
Yes, this country has come a long way. How else could we have an African-American President?
But it sure feels like we’re moving backwards now.
I remember years ago hearing Maya Angelou say it wasn’t good enough to disapprove of a word or action…That we needed to speak out about our disapproval. Specifically, she said if someone heard another person use the term ‘nigger’ and said nothing, they were just as bad. I swore then I would never allow that word to be used around me. I’ve kicked people out of my home for it…people know that word won’t be tolerated around me.
They should also know it’s not ok with me that these children are being killed. I don’t think I have to be a woman with black skin to feel the loss, to be outraged by the senselessness of it all.
I don’t know what writing this will accomplish, but I’m willing to do more. Much, much more.
I want my friends who happen to be African-American to know that I grieve with them. I don’t think their children are somehow ‘animals’ or monsters who ‘asked for it’. I want them—and everyone—to know I also grieve for the loss of these children. And fear what is to come in America if change isn’t made soon to start holding those accountable who are allowing this kind of senseless tragedy.
August 14, 2014 @ 9:33 pm
Right on Des! I applaud you. I don’t know if others in your situation are able to see outside of their perception like you obviously can. Thanks for writing this. Thanks for being you.
August 14, 2014 @ 10:48 pm
Thank you Maria. I guess we all should step out of our own skin more often.
August 15, 2014 @ 7:16 am
Thanks for speaking up, I appreciate you for sharing your views.
August 15, 2014 @ 9:04 am
Let’s hope it inspires others to speak up, too.
August 15, 2014 @ 2:27 pm
Thank you for speaking up; you had the experience of having a Black brother so you saw it firsthand. It seems like so many people just don’t give a crap because it doesn’t affect them at all. You shouldn’t have to have a Black man in your family to be outraged. The numbers tell the truth, and now with the internet and cellphones showing the truth about how a lot of these altercations actually go down, it should be pretty evident that a lot of these victims were approached with FAR too much hostility, suspicion and ultimately violence. Some of them may have done petty crimes – now they’re saying Mike Brown stole $50 worth of cigars. Okay so maybe he wasn’t a saint. But to lose his life over a box of damn CIGARS? Some of them haven’t done a damn thing at all. And the apathy that is prevalent just really upsets me. I wonder how this would all be going down if groups of Black cops just randomly approached White male teenagers skateboarding or hanging out and just acted aggressively towards them, punching them in the head and killing them.
August 15, 2014 @ 3:33 pm
I agree. I’d like to think I’d still be outraged without a black brother, but we’ll never know for sure. I do know others have reached out after reading this–others who have no relatives who are African American–who are also outraged. Let’s hope they’ll speak out louder, too.
August 16, 2014 @ 7:42 am
I don’t understand why it has to be about race. I lived in such a mixed community growing up that I didn’t know what racism was until I moved to GA and I saw it firsthand. I remember being shocked. It is beyond me why it’s not about a police shooting a teenager.