Finn’s Fighters: Spring for SIDS
I sat and wrote everything I remembered from January 18th 8yrs ago and was going to share it…as my New Year’s resolution to “leaning in” but I think I lean in more when I share what I do not remember. I dedicate this to all the parents who are living this hell right now and truly think it will never end. My friends it does not end, it changes and take the good with the bad and you change with it.
I don’t remember….
I don’t remember the first time I laughed, truly laughed, but I have
I don’t remember the first time I did not wear my pain like a badge, but I don’t
I don’t remember the first time I stopped being so angry, but I’m not
I don’t remember the first time “I’m sorry” no longer sounded like a curse word, but it doesn’t
I don’t remember the first time I said “it’s ok, thank you” and meant it, but I do
I don’t remember the first time I said I have 3 kids without feeling the need to explain, but I don’t.
I don’t remember the first time I said I have 2 girls without also saying and a boy, but I don’t
I don’t remember the first time I said I have 2 kids to a perfect stranger without feeling guilty for not mentioning Finn, but I don’t.
I don’t remember the first time I held a baby without crying afterwards, but I can
I don’t remember the first time I heard someone tell me they were pregnant and not feel jealous, but I don’t
I don’t remember the first time I saw twins without thinking that’s not fair, but I don’t
I don’t remember the first time holding a baby boy and not thinking what if, but I don’t
I don’t remember the first time I walked with my girls and their boy cousin thinking this is how it should be or there is one missing, but I don’t
I don’t remember the first time I was able to buy a “boy toy” without thinking I should have a room full of these, but I can
I don’t remember the first time I stopped being offended when someone asked me what SIDS is, but I’m not
I don’t remember the first time I thought its ok, but it is
I don’t remember the first time I said I am stronger now, but I am
https://www.springforsids.org/index.php/view-team-profile/userprofile/Finnsfighters